By: Jennifer McMillen Smith, MSSA, LISW-S, Division of Infectious Disease and medically reviewed by Ann Avery, Infectious Disease Physician at Metrohealth Medical Center
Sex is great when chemistry, consent, and communication are there. And let’s be real, we all like to express how eager we are for sex and physical touch when we’re in the mood! 😜😉
It’s totally normal and healthy to talk dirty with your partner. We may want our partner(s) to tell us how much they want to satisfy us! This can be through text hours before you meet up or it could be them telling you right in the heat of the moment – or even better – BOTH! 😘
Okay y’all, we are about to give you the rundown on how to talk dirty without feeling too awkward. Here are some tips to help you make it more fun, less awkward, when it counts.
The number one tip: don’t take yourself too seriously. Just have fun!
COVID-19 and physical distancing are bringing more of a need for effective sex talk, so let’s learn how to get it on with your words, y’all!☺️
Everyone’s different. First, get a sense of what your partner likes and start small. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or them. What turns them on? They may need some poetry and hot, colorful talk to get things going. Getting this first step down lets you know if you’re on the right track, because not everyone wants to hear or read your desires for them. Check-in with them about their comfort. Pay attention to how they respond and feed off that.
Try asking (in your sexy voice): “Do you like it? 😉” or “How does it feel?”
Next, ask them if they like certain words. That could spell the difference between a hot-n-heavy evening or a laugh fest. Words like “dick” or “cock” may not be as inviting as you imagine. This includes terms of affection like “Baby,” “Daddy,” or “Sweetie” or any special pet names.
Certain names may only be comfortable for your partner in a specific place like when you’re by yourselves or in the bedroom. Also, think of your comfort zone and which words you prefer. Some words can be triggering or not what gets you going.
By starting small, you can offer compliments and set the mood the way you want. Tell your partner how hot they look. Tell them how great they smell or taste. Tell them about how they made you feel. And I mean, come on – who doesn’t like a sexy compliment to make you feel good?!
Sexting is a great option when you’re not in the same room. It can be the foreplay to “The Foreplay.” Get a sense of when it’s a good time to sext. If they’re at work, it could be hard to respond when the feeling strikes. But don’t let that stop you from finding out what works for your partner! 😉
If you’re on an app, that may be the best place to get the dirty talk started. If you’re feeling the vibe, let your thumbs get to work. Let them know what you want. Apps can free up tension or embarrassment while sharing wants and desires. We’re here to tell you to go for it! That way, if you both want the same thing, you all can take things offline.
Consent is sooooo sexy and should be a part of whatever you do – even talking dirty. Ask if you can talk dirty with a little touch. A rub on the thigh or a back massage can ease things.
After you’ve set the tone, consider these 3 steps from sex columnist Dan Savage:
- Explain what you’re about to do
- Describe what you’re doing/ what it feels like
- Describe what you just did
BOOM! 😜
It can be as easy and hot as “Baby, I’m about to fuck you silly.” Or how about “I’m going to put just the tip inside of you until you beg me to give you all if it. But I’m going to do it so slow you’re going to squirm” or “I can’t wait to have you inside of me.”
Roleplaying is another way to take things to another level. Dirty talk and fantasy can work wonders, my friend! Decide on the roles, setting, and what about it excites you both, so you can get into things. This may include conversations prior to getting started.
OH – and don’t forget to indulge in those descriptions!
This gives your partner some vision of what to look forward to. Dirty talk doesn’t have to have a start and end. Keep it going. Sex doesn’t have to be the final destination to dirty talk – it could just be something that happens when your conversations are going well.
Last by not least - be yourself.
You know what you like, yet keep yourself open to exploring where you can go with your partner. It doesn’t have to be awkward. Take your time. Talking dirty can make your time together that much better! Obviously, your tongue can bring pleasure in more ways than one.☺️😉
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