Everything you need to know about safe, pleasurable vaginal sex

By: Ann K. Avery, MD, Infectious Disease Physician at MetroHealth Medical Center

We’re all about equal rights here at Positive Peers. Since we’ve already blogged about oral and anal sex, it’s high time we talked about the prized possession of half the world’s human population — the vagina.

In the old days, people had this idea that the vagina existed for two purposes: Sperm going in and babies coming out. But these days we’re more likely to think of it as a great location for a roaring good time.

Before we dive into the sexy goodness of the vagina, we need to do a little DYK (did you know): Half the people on earth who are living with HIV are women. In some places, it’s more like two-thirds. HIV doesn’t distinguish between anal or vaginal sex — it’ll get in either way (more on methods of smarter sex and STI prevention later in this blog).

Now, on to more fun stuff about the vagina….

Pleasure response in the vagina

The slightest touch can cause the vagina to warm up. A few minutes of fooling around causes it to get wet with natural lubricants the body produces. Touching a woman’s nipples, feet, breasts, neck, or the small of her back can make the vagina even wetter. And when it comes to vaginal sex, our pro tip is: The wetter the better.

But sometimes — for whatever reason — the vagina can refuse to cooperate. You can be turned on AF, but your vagina could feel like a desert. This is especially true in older women. Taking it slow and using some extra lube can really increase pleasure sometimes, for both the insertive and receptive partners!

Going for the Big O

Women can cum with the intensity of a live volcano, but orgasms don’t happen just during penetration. For example, stimulation to the external part of the clitoris, a small sex organ at the top of the vagina, can also trigger an orgasm.

In fact, the clit can be extremely sensitive in some women, so it is good to approach it with tenderness. Just touching the nearby skin lightly or dabbing it with the tongue can send her into orbit.

There are so many ways to get that orgasm, and so many positions through which to do it! The keys are experimentation and communication.

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A few notes on position

Find out what your partner and you both enjoy. For instance, one of the most popular positions is the standard “missionary” position with the insertive partner on top and the woman underneath. However, this can be one of the least-pleasurable positions for many women.

By contrast, the woman on top often experiences more pleasure because more parts of her genitalia are being stimulated. And doing butt stuff can be super-hot as well. Did you know that anal sex for women can be just as pleasurable, if not more so, than vaginal sex because of these things nicknamed the “legs of the clitoris?”

Everybody’s different; the only way to know which positions you and your partner like is to ask, experiment, and see what happens. If it’s really working for a woman, you’ll know by the wetness, moans, and booty grinding. 😉

Safer vaginal sex

The tissues of the vagina are porous enough for HIV to sneak through into the bloodstream. If sex causes bleeding in the vagina, it becomes even more vulnerable to HIV.

That’s why we recommend doing things to you and your partner’s risk. Here are a few ways you can do just that:

PrEP: The once daily pill to prevent HIV
Reducing the number of partners you have
Getting tested together with your partner every 3-6 months
Treating any sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
Using lots of lube – no seriously…lube it up!
Going slow and listening to your body’s cues, pain doesn’t have to be part of sex -- unless of course you’re into that sorta thing 😉
Condoms – there’s such a variety to choose from!

And when it comes to condoms, we think it’s good to know that some women prefer “internal condoms,” which they can insert in the vagina ahead of time and rest assured they’ve got protection if things heat up later.

Whatever you do, however you do it, we hope it’s fun, pleasurable, safe, and consensual.

Straight women: HIV can affect you too

Positive Peers is made possible through a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Health Resources and Services Administration, HIV/AIDS Bureau Special Projects of National Significance (SPNS) Grant to The MetroHealth System. Click here for more information about the SPNS grant initiative.