By: Jennifer McMillen Smith, LISW-S, HIV Social Worker at MetroHealth Medical Center and medically reviewed by Ann K. Avery, MD, Infectious Disease Physician at MetroHealth Medical Center
“Will I ever date again?”
People often ask this when they first learn they have HIV.
They start hearing stories:
“We were clicking till I told him I was positive. Then I never heard from him again.”
Sure, it happens sometimes.
The hard truth is, rejection happens to everyone, regardless of their status.
That’s just part of dating. Admittedly, it’s a rather sucky part, but it makes us stronger and helps us to eventually find a real winner. 😉
You can and you will overcome any loneliness you may feel. You will enjoy a fun and happy dating life when you’re living with HIV, we promise. 🙂
Below are some tips to keep in mind when you’re out looking for your bae.
Be prepared to be rejected
Actors get rejected thousands of times before they become TV stars. But they don’t stop auditioning for roles because they know what they want and are willing to face the rejection for a shot at getting it.
Dating can be a lot like this. You’re bound to get rejected from time to time, but if you want a happy dating life we encourage you not to give up. Remind yourself that you’re beautiful inside and out. Soon, you will find someone who sees and appreciates that beauty. 🙂
Don’t try to rush finding the love of your life
When people meet and fall in love, it’s usually because they have some kind of chemistry — a combination of common interests, physical attraction, and a few more random factors that give them a crazy-powerful urge to stay with each other.
But that chemistry is as invisible as it is mysterious. Chemistry either happens or it doesn’t, for reasons that have kept poets and songwriters busy for thousands of years.
That’s why one of the most famous sayings about love is “you’ll find it when you stop looking for it.”
But how do you find it while not looking for it? We suggest doing things you love! This could mean signing up for a sports league, joining a book club, volunteering for a cause that matters to you, hitting up the local karaoke, or getting involved in an online community for that game/show/movie you absolutely freak out over.
Whatever it is, we say give it a shot! When you do you, you’re happier, you’re healthier, and you’re way more likely to meet someone who shares your values and interests.
Come join our private, stigma-free, supportive community.
Health management tools with medication & appointment reminders.
Social networking in a community conversation & private chats.
Build more friendships
Good friends are worth more than gold. But friendship isn’t reserved for only those you don’t want to get hot and heavy with. Sometimes, the best way to get into a relationship with someone is to start building a friendship with them.
This can be hard when all you want to do is rip off their clothes and rock their world, but taking the time to really enjoy their company and built a trusting relationship with them can pay off big time when it comes time to ask them out or to sex them up (you do you boo!).
The other great thing about friends is, they’ll have your back when somebody rejects you. And they’ll cheer you on and reassure you that things will work out.
Put your happiness first
It’s right there in the Declaration of Independence: You have a God-given right to the pursuit of happiness.
Nobody has any right to make you feel sad or lonely. Anybody who tries to do that does not deserve to know you, much less enjoy the benefits of being with you.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for your right to be happy. If you’re dating, people have one chance to reject you — but you don’t have to give them two chances. If they walk away, it’s their loss.
Take unhappiness and loneliness seriously
Feeling alone or depressed is bad for your health. Talk to your counselors, friends, family, or your HIV support group and ask for their advice.
Dive deep into hobbies or activities or public service. Make time to feel gratitude for the good things you have.
And last but not least, leave your heart open to the possibility of love. It can happen when you least expect it — and it might even happen on a date.
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